I looked at my own cervix.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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