Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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