If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
