i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
