I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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