Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
