in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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