Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
