took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
