I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
