Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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