I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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