listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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