please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize