living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
