Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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