Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.