I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill