This is not my ceiling
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
