Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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