If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?