I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
