bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
