Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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