Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
