dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
