If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
