i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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