If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
