I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
