yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I touched a dick in church today
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
