I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
