I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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