just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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