Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
