Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
