2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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