You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
