I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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