Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would fuck him just for his dog
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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