I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize