these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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