One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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