A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
