standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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