Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
