her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
