OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of course I have a pirate flag
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
