I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
