I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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