9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
