She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My feet surprised me
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