when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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