Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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