i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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