dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
