So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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