the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
