Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
