Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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