I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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