why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying