Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"