your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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