Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.