Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it

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(269): View more from Michigan

I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(805): View more from California

i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless

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(240): View more from Maryland

You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.

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(716): View more from New York

I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying

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