So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?