his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK