The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize